Alexx's Rainbow Baby Story

Alexx is a precious young woman that I have watched grow up into a beautiful mother and wife!  She has experienced the heartache of a miscarriage.  October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness and I have asked several friends that were comfortable to share their stories to encourage other women!
Here is Alexx's story.

It has been a little over a year since I found out I was going to lose my baby. I had a six month old little boy at the time and was not trying to get pregnant again, but God had other plans for us. I found out I was pregnant at work and was instantly filled with excitement, fear, anxiety, and love for this little blessing. I wrote my husband a poem that read "roses are red, violets are blue, you're such a great dad of one, imagine how great you'll be with two!". I gave it to him that morning (I was working nights as a nurse at the time). He was equally thrilled and nervous! We waited until my first doctors visit to tell family, and everyone was excited!! After reality set in that I was going to have two children 15 months apart I was thrilled.

It was one week later that I discovered a little bleeding when I went to take a shower. Being an Ob/Gyn emergency department nurse I instantly feared the worst was happening. I went to the department where I work and was taken to ultrasound. I saw the beautiful tiny heartbeat of my precious baby at 7 weeks 1 day. However, I knew something was wrong. The heart rate was so slow the machine couldn't even calculate it. The ultrasound tech printed me a picture and sent me back for the rest of my exam. I was sent home with the information of a "threatened miscarriage" and expected management of the situation. That night I began to have cramping and increased bleeding. In the morning my husband went to work, only to be called home as I knew what was going on. We went to my doctor for an ultrasound to confirm my fears. As I was walking in I felt something big pass. I went to the restroom and saw I had in fact passed the amniotic sac that housed my little love. The ultrasound simply confirmed what I already knew. I was crushed and cried for what seemed like an eternity. Why did God take my baby from me? I wondered. It was a month of bleeding and medications to help me complete my miscarriage that ultimately ended up in surgery to remove it all due to my body retaining it for so long.

It was only a few days later that postpartum depression set in. I was still nursing and had gone from being pregnant to not pregnant so quickly my body was going through a hormonal roller-coaster ride. After about 3 months I felt much better after having talked with others who had experienced what I had as well as a temporary antidepressant to get me over the hump.

Three months after that in November to be exact, I found out I was pregnant with our rainbow baby. I was so excited, but also hesitant to let myself fully enjoy this experience because I feared it would end the same way as my second angel. But it didn't. August 18th we welcomed our little girl into the world, healthy and beautiful. I remember questioning God when I was in such a dark place after my loss. However, I know it was in his plan for my life and my little ones life as well. I have been able to comfort and educate and witness to those going through what I went through with so much more empathy and love than I ever had been able to before. It has allowed me to appreciate life and my children so much more than I could ever imagine. I rest easy knowing one day we will all be together again.

The pain is devastating, and I still have days where I feel sad, and commercials that make me cry. Especially during October which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. But after all of the hurt, after the storm, there was a rainbow...and her name is Olivia Grace.

Thank you so much Alex for sharing! Olivia Grace is absolutely beautiful, just like her Mom!!!!!

Coach Pam